I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize