I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
