Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
