Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
