maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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