PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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