just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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