What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
