I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
