he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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