She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
