it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
