I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
