the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
two words...techno handjob
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
