It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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