AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
