i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
