I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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