just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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