The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
