How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
