The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
