Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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