at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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