ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize