arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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