Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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