Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
