Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
