ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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