He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
