My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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