The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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