; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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