she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize