There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
