Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
