i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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