five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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