Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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