Don't make out with my wife yet
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize