I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
