8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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