just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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