ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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