R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
