Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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