You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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