I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
