He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
