If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
