I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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