The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
