I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
