you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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