Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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