i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize