You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
