The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
