yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
