You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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