we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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