6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
