would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
