i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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