speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize