i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
