i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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