A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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