it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
