New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
