I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
