Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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