i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
