My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your penis caused this!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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