i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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